Something that happened to me I believed to be tragic was just this past year. My friend group began to divide for the second time, and I was torn because I was trying so hard to keep it together and mend the rift between the two groups sides, but it seemed like they didn't want to fix it: like it wasn't worth fixing. I believe that friendship is something worth fighting for, and I thought that it was something they believed too, but as it got worse, I started to see that they no longer cared for each other. I began to have numerous mental breakdowns because of it. My friends are everything to me, and our group has been together since middle school. It was really hard for me to see them fighting, and not even caring enough to even try and make it better. I was hearing both sides of the story, and I tried to explain to them that it was just a really big misunderstanding, and that a 10 minute conversation would likely resolve majority of the non-sense that was being argued over in the first place. I tried so hard to fix it, but they just weren't willing, and it was hard to watch because I just sat there while everything unfolded and fell apart before my eyes.
Thinking about it now, it still hurts, but there are a few things that I took away from this. The first would definitely be that I can't force anyone into doing anything, and I can't control their thoughts. No matter how much I wanted them to talk so we could all be fine and put this drama behind us, nothing I said or did could make them change their mind, and I've learned to be okay with it even if it isn't what I want. The second thing I learned was that I shouldn't have to choose. When one side said I had to choose, I told them no because I still wanted to be friends with everyone. I didn't care if it was taking a toll on me to play both sides because it hurt that we weren't all together, I just wanted to make sure I didn't lose anyone that was important to me. I know it sounds like I was being selfish, and I kind of was, but I wanted things to go c=back to the way they were between everyone, when everyone was happy. I thought that's what everyone else wanted too because people generally like to resolve conflict, but they insisted that it wasn't worth my time. I haven't completely given up, because I think that maybe some time separated could be good for all of us to let things settle on their own, then maybe in the near future we can resolve it all once everyone is forgiven and we can get on with our lives. But I also know that not everything in life has a storybook happy ending, so that hope is really beginning to dwindle. I still refuse to choose a side. No matter what, they are still my friends. I still have friends. That'll just have to be enough for now.
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